Illusion

I know he'll never be mine

then why do I shed tears?

Im unable to pretend that Im fine

suppressing all my childish fears

love never comes with a warning

and i can't keep it inside anymore

my innocent heart was crushed one fine morning

I could clearly see my feelings running out the door

may be im not even close to the perfect girl

not at all deserving to be wrapped in your arm

but my hopes were high and tall

your sight shivers me, even when its warm

he masters the art of attraction

im aimlessly running behind a mirage

a bond that never existed yet nurtured by affection

but its endless, it simply grows with my drowning age

Last winter

My mind full of wistfulness, the benumbing winter breeze

in absence of your warmth, every moment a lil more I freeze

recollecting the memories of last winter, being woken up by pristine touch of morning dew

you arms wrapped around me, I lived a lifetime, my fairytale dream with you

The night grew longer, I'm feeling cold but you were still not back

the fear of loosing was eating me up, the night was growing uncanny and black

the clock kept ticking, your favourite eyes were now brimming with tears

Never knew this was the time, It was reality now, my biggest fear

yes, you came back but I could not feel you breathe, your lost heart beat

your face has turned , lips were cracked, your hands icy cold on our very last meet

now I sit by your grave in the morning and at night you protect me and watch me sleep

with every passing day, Im growing fonder of you and falling in love a bit more deep.

the known caveat

as I've learnt, the best medicine is time

Even though the tunes of my life never seem to rhyme

from knowing a person to revealing to his true self

Im startled to see how they're in a need of great help

you can wear a mask of lie but can you hide your soul?

one day you're bound to face the truth as the time rolls

the undone talks,the endless fights and the blood shed tears

loosing or gaining loved ones in now not included in my fears

now that Im numb, Im atlast satisfied with me

for i just see lies and illusions, no matter how far I see

Life is a nasty game and Im just another player

Nobody will be there to catch me when I fall, even if they say they care

My emotions and heart is frozen but still I somehow manage to cry

lying and betraying, we go a little closer to the day we'll die.

I smile

My worst nightmare has turned into harsh reality

I lost the one whom I loved so dearly

breaking the shield of darkness, going towards the light

I kept thinking of way to sort out the last undone fight

to hide the wounds you gave me all this while

I'll pretend to be perfectly fine & I smile

the roses are dried up but still has its sweet essence

you gave the me unbearable pain but along with the solace

all those fights, the excuse to deepen our bond

I wish to turn around the time with some magic wand

to hide the wounds you gave me all this while

I'll pretend to be perfectly fine & I smile

the fun classes for which I used to wait all night

now I choke every time I see you, like its my own internal fight

my rainbow coloured life is now black and white

and Im trying to get over the memories with all my might

to hide the wounds you gave me all this while

I'll pretend to be perfectly fine & I smile

I wish love would have come with warning

who knew my world will turn upside down one fine morning?

I won't blame you, I know you didn't meant to cheat

but baby I promise I won't be the same if we ever meet

to hide the wounds you gave me all this while

I'll pretend to be perfectly fine & I smile

Don't worry, I'll wait till you recognize your mistake

because I'll be there for you, you can never be late

so sorry for bringing tears to those beautiful brown eyes

remember there is a ending to every goodbye

to hide the wounds you gave me all this while

I'll pretend to be perfectly fine & I smile

reflection

she was lost in her own world, so secret and deep

she was trying to find her lost self, when the world was fast asleep

she was born wrapped in the delicate petals of pink rose

she had a trillion reasons to suffer but what was hurting her the most?

the mirror was the only evidence which saw her growing from an infant to a young lady

life started teaching her such harsh lessons when she wasn't even ready

there was a time, everything was so innocent and divine

but now everybody grew up, was anybody bothered whether she was alive?

she was always humble & kind, cared selflessly for one and all

but she she got hurt over and again, through spring and fall

her soul was lost in this cruelty, she wanted to be like before

did she already learn all her lessons?or god has planned some more?

she was so badly trapped in the ornamentation of lies

stuck and lose in the maze of when,where,what and why

her beautiful eyes were too tired, she fell asleep as it started to rain

it was useless to think over th past anyways, that would just and on to her pain

Tomorrow will be worse or may be the same.

My funeral

I could see my corpse lying in the coffin

I noticed everyone silently talking

my so called loved ones were still in a haze

everyone seemed to be lost inside the emotion's maze

In one hand there was the blade & poison in the other

I chose this way as there was no way to go further

before saying the last goodbye, god gave me an amazing power

but I had no clue it has thunders to shower

I could read minds! all the way around

I could clearly hear the most negligible sounds

there stood my man, the only one I ever loved

being clueless how his thoughts were twisted & turned

I expected him to wonder the reason behind my demise

but sadly he was way too heartless and wise

this was the first shock to my lost soul

there were more waiting to pierce more holes

to console myself, I turned towards her

surprisingly her thoughts were pretty much blurred

she was not bothered that I wasn't there anymore

she was rather happy that for eternity I was pushed out of the door

I trusted her through all these years of my life

unknown of the fact that she was stabbing the betrayal's knife

my last hope, I turned towards the guy whom I assumed knew me the best

priceless times spent with him, felt like I stood up high on a crest

we always fought, almost everyday

I blindly believed he was here to stay

oh! how it shattered me when I realized it was the biggest lie

love & friendship were just two words, I got to know after I died

now it was my time to leave, with no reason to stop

I could feel myself going up above, right on the top

there stood a girl with a brook of tears in her brown eyes

I wanted to judge her the last, there was no risk in making another compromise

I was stunned when I got the courage to peep into he mind

she was true! she cared and her heart seemed melted and kind

all of a sudden it started to thunder and rain

it seemed as if even the heaven cried for my unbearable pain

as the last last tribute she greeted my lifeless body with a black rose

I could feel the affection wave between us, an invisible force

just when I began to know nothing but the truth

god didn't show me any kindness, any ruth

I had to go leaving the ones who cared and I never knew

Yes, i was loved & cared for but only by a unknown few

P.S. this is specially dedicated to my newly found angel Shayani :]

other than that the people mentioned in the lines above played very important roles in my life.

though I don't have them with me anymore, though I'm like this because of them.

I love and care you though I know I won't get anything in return. :] x

Even when

I may be alive but totally numb

I still have a soul, crushed into crumbs

I try to cover my flaws & stop my tears

but on the inside it just increases my fears

even when I know you won't come

even when I know you're forever gone

so what's the secret I don't know about?

your presence is what I can't live without

how you used to adore everything I do

I still love you, do you love me too?

even when I know you won't come

even when I know you're forever gone

how sincerely you promised to never let me down

your favourite smile has turned into a permanent frown

are you real or are you reel?

hold my hand tightly, make me feel

even when I know you won't come

even when I know you're forever gone

how we made each other so strong

then how can you let everything go wrong?

don't make me believe that it won't be the same

you mean the world to me, its not a game

even when I know you won't come

even when I know you're forever gone

you always wanted to see me safe and sound

then how come you didn't notice my wound?

as each second passes by, you go a little more away

I'm a million steps away from myself these days

even when I know you won't come

even when I know you're forever gone

Can't we start over again & make it like before?

I can't breath, my heart isn't beating anymore

I can't recognize who I am today

I have moved so far from yesterday

even when I know you won't come

even when I know you're forever gone

don't waste time, don't wait till I repose

I forgot thorns comes along with rose

you gifted me with agony, tears and disregard

& life gave me ultimate end as reward

even when I know you won't come

even when I know you're forever gone

Eyes don't lie

Its hard for me to believe what I see

to see walk by so carelessly

I may live, I may die

but our faded love, you can never justify

My lips may lie but my eyes can't

Just like yesterday as it seems

we were in love & unreal were my dreams

so tell me, for how long can you pretend?

give me a reason to believe that its the end

My lips may lie but my eyes can't

do you know how alone I'm after you betrayed?

the only one I can rely on is my dear blade

how can I believe that you're gone?

they don't know you, I know they are all wrong

My lips may lie but my eyes can't

I'll close my eyes & wait until you disappear

but when I opened my eyes you were still here

though its hard to accept but its the bitter truth

suddenly the atmosphere became uncouth

My lips may lie but my eyes can't

burying all the love and affection

now all that's left is unbearable affliction

give me a way to fill my desolation

was it really love or just an infatuation?

My lips may lie but my eyes can't

I miss you

the right time never arrives, you've to make it right

so stop it now, all the lies, excuses and fights

its merely useless of sticking together

even you know, it won't be like before ever

I miss you.

where's my guy who was so understanding?

where's my guy so loving and caring?

did he get lost or you hid him somewhere?

i thought what I had was precious and rare.

I miss you.

you promised to be with me & help me to get through

my feelings were pure, were yours too?

then why did you leave me when I needed you the most?

you left crying and screaming in the middle of the road

I miss you.

I just want you to know that you're the one

when I said, I mean it, its you or none

i know we won't ever get back our old essence

your lies hurt me more than your absence

I miss you.

as you said, I always needed to be strong

but I never expected you to point out my wrongs

everything you did me, was it fake?

the tears I've cried for you would have filled a lake

I miss you.

the clothes you left, they smell just like you

my mind say I don't miss you but my heart screams I do

now I'm stuck between truth and lie

I tried hard even heaven won't deny

I miss you.

why can't you be the guy again I loved so dearly?

now I can see the truth, oh! so clearly

I wish to erase your memories and move on

but I can't let it go, it's way too strong

I miss you.

It's you who will decide whether I'll go or stay

either get back to your old self or I'm going away

think about it, relax and take a seat

nothing will be left then, if we ever meet

I miss you.

not anymore

we both know thats its over

don't waste your time, just move forward

I know forgetting me will be painful

otherwise we will stick to something not at all meaningful

Is there any point of our constant fighting?

you never answer my letters that I keep writing

the overdose of my love & care has spoiled you

my endless tears makes no sense, its nothing new to you

times are harsh & you changed so drastically

so now I just want to let it be

I don't want any more wounds, any more tears

talk out tonight, I want it to be crystal clear

this time I won't wait for you to decide

I don't live to please you, I know what's right

you don't need to give any explanations, no more sorry

its my turn now, you've always been in hurry

tonight take your fake love with you & set me free

go away, leave me alone, let me be me

I am not mistaken not missunderstood

stay away, go there where you should

I won't complain anymore that I'm alone

you don't to call me, I won't pick up the phone

finish it all, let me go tonight

as soon as you leave I'll be alright

never again will we be together

my dear boy, there is nothing called forever

too late

you look at my face, so bloodless and pale

I'm totally numb, my heart rotten and stale

my faith was intact, I never thought I would fail

but at the end, I just have reason to moan and wail

its been a decade since your love didn't rain

I thought your words were true, so divine & serene

I'm empty and my soul has already died

but you never bothered, for you how many monsoons I've cried

you can't break a girl who is already broken

you can't destroy my world as its already shaken

I'm disclosing all the secrets fold by fold

I would have loved you all life, if you hadn't left me in the cold

for time may heal wounds but scars always remain

you must loose something in order to gain

don't you think it's too late for you to come around?

I've gone a long, I'm too far to be found

if you have to leave, you should just leave

I'm already gone, there's nothing I can give

you're everything I wanted and will ever want

I thought we were meant & supposed to be lost

together forever

from the very first I saw you, deep inside I knew

you were not like others, there was something special within you

I own something unexpected, which I never thought I'll find

I can't tell you how lucky I'm because you're mine

how beautifully you changed my life, you'll never know

you helped me spread my wings, you helped me to grow

you are my baby angel sent from above

you are just perfect and so is our love

every little thing you do for me

makes my dirty soul a little more clearer and free

from the every moment you arrive , the obstacles turn fine

I can say it proudly and loud, that you're mine

whether its day or night, you're always on my mind

your prayers surrounds me, the personal angel of mine

how you mended my broken heart, do you know?

I'll bleed out my heart to you, to show

your soothing voice, so divine and sweet

when you wake me up in the morning, its like a bird's tweet

without you inside, my heart will be so empty

I can see my life ahead with you so clearly

our bond is unbreakable, so strong

our dreams are new and young

I'll never let you down, will put you first

you're not just a part, but you're my heart

you're one in a million, impossible to find

you conquer my heart, my soul and mind

tonight I'll take you on a fantasy ride

I won't deny you, we'll go anywhere you like

Its your special day, just you & me tonight

let nothing come between us, no ego no pride

all I pray to god is a happy with you to live

except love & support, there's nothing more I can give

when we have a silly fight & I tell you to go away

you don't realize, I want you to stop me, I want you to stay

our bond is too deep to get over

with the end of a fight, we just get closer

when I'm crying like a kid, feeling so alone

I know you'll call me, I don't mind staring at my phone

I know you understand & respect my space

I want to apologize for all the long hours I made you wait

I remember talking & laughing like crazy in my staircase

just a gentle touch, my feelings you always trace

I can never forget the first day I saw you at school

we keep staring at each other between classes, not caring & breaking rules

because I know you're a keeper and you won't let me go ever

I believe we are nothing compared to forever...

caged

times passed by and relationships changed

all of a sudden the atmosphere became unknown and strange

the reality was just misted by you

whereas reality stood at its place, the way it should

I've lost myself, I've lost it all

there will be no one to catch me when I fall

I was afraid to loose you, so petrified

so dependent, thought I always needed you by my side

but when I opened my eyes a little more wide

I found something was so not right

I don't belong to anybody, not even you

when I leave, you may shed tears one or a few

the pain of my emptiness is now unbearable

with you I've became so dependent, so feeble

was this me? definately not

its not the girl for whom I've always fought

the roots of my emotions were burnt long ago

I won't get back to anyways, it's a final no

why do I have to think of you before I do something?

I never had to ask anyone for anything

I'm leaving, I can take care of myself

I'm sorry because I let go, I no more need your invisible help

you pushed me deeper in the darkness but you should have pulled me out

I can't keep it inside, I can't let my soul shout

I'm not your slave, you know you did me wrong

its ironic but your absence just made me strong

I'm a free bird, for flying is what I'm made

I realized that I'm just not to be caged